Thursday, June 9, 2016

Fear of Failure

I am a freshly graduated high school student. I am 18 years old and I am scared.

In a matter of months, I will be moving 200 miles away for college. I will be in a new environment with new people in a new town. Now, I am not scared because I'm moving and I'm not scared of meeting new people, I'm scared of failing.

It is the fear of failing that I'm scared of. I've always dreamed of becoming successful and having money to be able to provide for my family. Now that I'm at this stage in life, I find myself overthinking every little detail about my future and every outcome of every scenario is horrible.

I find myself second guessing my career path and if I'm truly going to suceed.

I am planning on studying journalism. Writing is something I've always enjoyed doing.

In elementary school I started a newsletter (5th grade). And I carried on this desire into middle school  (7th grade) where there would be biweekly distribution of a newsletter to all of my classmates. I gathered people who were interested, pretty soon I had a news staff and an advisor (our libraian Mrs.Fisher) that would help us print and distribute. My highschool already had an established publication but unfortuanelty it was a class, so I never could fit it into my schedule until this year.

Journalism, like many careers, is very competitive. Your success is heavily dependant on who you know. Networking is a very big factor when it comes to journalism. I am constantly hearing this and hearing stories of people who haven't been successful in pursuing this career. I'm not scared to push myself or put myself out there as a journalist. I'm just scared of who I am as a writer. I'm scared that I won't be what the 'real world' is looking for. That all of the things that I think I'm good at will come crumbling down around me and I'll find out I'm not as good as I thought.

Fearing failure is not something new. This is something everyone deals with. But I tend to get very anxious about these things. I start thinking about what my future will look like and despite all my efforts, what will the outcome be? I think and think and think and suddenly.....my heart quickens, the air seems to be leaving my lungs and my brain feels like it might explode.

I like to write because it's something I enjoy, it's something that helps me express who I am. That's the whole reason I started this blog. This is my creative outlet to spew all of the thoughts that have been racing around my head.

At the end of the day I'm human and gramatical and speling errors will happen but I just hope people capture the essence of what I'm trying to say.

I'm scared of becoming and adult. I'm scared of the respnosibility of having to take caare of myself. I'm scared of life.

These are the fears that I have. What are yours?

Live ~Laugh~Love 

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